Grrr grrr grrrrrrr!
I am cranky and I just got up. In fact I was in a good-ish mood until I checked my mail.
I think the biggest challenge with my work is coping with frustration and finding the motivation to force yourself to do search for work for the artists in the face of adversity. Gotta love it.
Yesterday was just an ok day. At least I had consistent energy and no drinking. Great concert at Zankel last night - 12 cellists of the Berlin Philharmonic. Very cool.
MM (the bf) gets to go to San Francisco for an audition - woo hoo.
Ok I need to go running late as usual.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Monday, November 12, 2007
And we start all over again
So I write this for me, not anyone else. I thought of starting a written diary. Maybe I should.
I've done so many blogs before - well not that many. Part of the problem is the semi-public forum where you can hide in sight.
I like typing things in. I do it faster than writing by hand.
This is always a good way to sort out my thoughts in the morning and reflect on where life is taking me.
So let's give it a stab shall we?
For starters today is a new day and with that I must go forward and do what I can.
Let's touch on the title. The title is yes indeed, I am the younger of two sons. I have been a text book youngest child. I have also struggled through life financially since I went to and go out of college. I live in NYC, work in the performing arts = I make very little money. I have also had a long term partner who has also been trying to start a career in the performing arts. It's been a struggle for us, but it looks like (knock on wood) we are in the process of turning the corner so that well I won't have to be quite the prodigal son anymore. A major difference is that I have always been appreciative and thankful to my parents. They have defined the term unconditional love. Now granted we have the family disfunction of any other family. The key one being all four of us - mom, dad, brother, myself - struggle with alcoholism in various forms. Mom consistent - two drinks a night bam. Dad varies depending on what he feels like doing with her but pretty much the same except he holds it better. Brother is variable - sometimes no drink, sometimes a little, sometimes omg he is a walking time bomb. I would say I fall into a similar case as my brother EXCEPT I really have a tough time stopping once I start.
I started this today because I sort of just finished up a cycle. Meaning I reached a point over the weekend where I was just in a rut drinking had accelerated and I even knew inside me I needed to stop, but I sent a very passive-aggressive signal to my partner and well we put the kabash on it. Now I am figuring out what I want to do next.
I slept through the night. I think this was my first stone cold no drink 24 hour period in quite a while. It's been a lot of three-four glasses of wine a night kind of thing. This was a good night. I feel better. I can wake up and remember all the events prior to going to bed. This is good.
I slept in, in a good way so no running this morning unfortunately. We tackle that tomorrow I think. I ran the NYC Marathon last week so I am not a total slacker, but I feel like I am not in shape and would like to get back into the groove of consistent running.
The other turning point in our lives is the brother and wife are having a baby in April. We found out on Friday that it is definitely a girl. We are a very small family. The four of us, my man of 14 years, my brother's wife is an only child plus her parents so between the two families it's her 3, our 4 with my man = 7. I'm the only sibling and as a gay man I guess this is close I have to a child other than adopting or surrogate.
Crazy. The next generation is arriving and the Prodigal Son no longer gets to be the baby of the family.
It was fun while it lasted.
I've done so many blogs before - well not that many. Part of the problem is the semi-public forum where you can hide in sight.
I like typing things in. I do it faster than writing by hand.
This is always a good way to sort out my thoughts in the morning and reflect on where life is taking me.
So let's give it a stab shall we?
For starters today is a new day and with that I must go forward and do what I can.
Let's touch on the title. The title is yes indeed, I am the younger of two sons. I have been a text book youngest child. I have also struggled through life financially since I went to and go out of college. I live in NYC, work in the performing arts = I make very little money. I have also had a long term partner who has also been trying to start a career in the performing arts. It's been a struggle for us, but it looks like (knock on wood) we are in the process of turning the corner so that well I won't have to be quite the prodigal son anymore. A major difference is that I have always been appreciative and thankful to my parents. They have defined the term unconditional love. Now granted we have the family disfunction of any other family. The key one being all four of us - mom, dad, brother, myself - struggle with alcoholism in various forms. Mom consistent - two drinks a night bam. Dad varies depending on what he feels like doing with her but pretty much the same except he holds it better. Brother is variable - sometimes no drink, sometimes a little, sometimes omg he is a walking time bomb. I would say I fall into a similar case as my brother EXCEPT I really have a tough time stopping once I start.
I started this today because I sort of just finished up a cycle. Meaning I reached a point over the weekend where I was just in a rut drinking had accelerated and I even knew inside me I needed to stop, but I sent a very passive-aggressive signal to my partner and well we put the kabash on it. Now I am figuring out what I want to do next.
I slept through the night. I think this was my first stone cold no drink 24 hour period in quite a while. It's been a lot of three-four glasses of wine a night kind of thing. This was a good night. I feel better. I can wake up and remember all the events prior to going to bed. This is good.
I slept in, in a good way so no running this morning unfortunately. We tackle that tomorrow I think. I ran the NYC Marathon last week so I am not a total slacker, but I feel like I am not in shape and would like to get back into the groove of consistent running.
The other turning point in our lives is the brother and wife are having a baby in April. We found out on Friday that it is definitely a girl. We are a very small family. The four of us, my man of 14 years, my brother's wife is an only child plus her parents so between the two families it's her 3, our 4 with my man = 7. I'm the only sibling and as a gay man I guess this is close I have to a child other than adopting or surrogate.
Crazy. The next generation is arriving and the Prodigal Son no longer gets to be the baby of the family.
It was fun while it lasted.
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